


Lost Boys

by Raised_from_perdition



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Death, I don't really know what to tag, I suck at this, Love, M/M, Mourning, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 09:36:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4474325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raised_from_perdition/pseuds/Raised_from_perdition
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'This wasn't Dan's Phil. Dan missed that Phil. The one who told him random animal facts over meals, and made him laugh with stories of all the crazy people he had encountered in him life. That Phil was no where to be seen. This sad weepy Phil had taken his place, and Dan missed him.'</p><p> </p><p>Phil is sad, and Dan would like to think it's because of his new boyfriend, but he knows the real reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost Boys

Phil was sad. He was down and depressed, and Dan hated seeing it. More that once he has walked into the kitchen to find Phil crying. He hadn't made any videos in months, and every time he some thing he usually loved, it would make him cry. 

This wasn't Dan's Phil. Dan missed that Phil. The one who told him random animal facts over meals, and made him laugh with stories of all the crazy people he had encountered in him life. That Phil was no where to be seen. This sad weepy Phil had taken his place, and Dan missed him. 

He saw glimpses of his Phil, mostly when Phil's boyfriend Jackson came over, but even then Dan suspected it was an act. 

For a while he blamed Jackson, thinking he was making Phil sad and saying awful things, but Jackson was a nice guy, and Dan saw he cared about Phil. Even if he was wrong for him.

Jackson was tan, blonde, muscular and Australian. Basically everything Dan wasn't. But he didn't notice how sad Phil was. 

Like right now, Dan sat down the couch from them, as they watched Attack in Titan. Phil in Jacksons arms, was tearing up once more, and he didn't even notice. He just kissed his head every so often, which made Dan's stomach twisted in a pathetic kind of rage.

He didn't understand what Phil was doing, or why. Jackson was the complete opposite of Phil, and more importantly Dan. He didn't like the same shows, didn't like the same food, and didn't care much for YouTube. Maybe Dan was wrong, maybe it was Jackson making Phil sad. 

The end credits of the show began to play, and Jackson released Phil, stretching his arms about his head. His shirt lifted to reveal very distinctive V lines and it was all Dan could do not to scoff. 

"I'd better go," Jackson said, dragging his hand through Phil's hair, "If I stay I won't get up for work tomorrow."

Phil smiled and nodded, leading him to the the door. "Thank you for coming" he said, leaning forward to kiss him. Dan felt a sudden urge to punch something.

"Anytime" Jackson grinned, the became more serious. "You will think about my offer?" He asked. 

Dan couldn't see Phil's face, but his voice was croaky when he replied. "Of course." 

The blonde smiled again, and dropped down to kiss him before shouldering his bag and walking out. 

Phil shut the door behind him, and slid down to sit huddled on the floor. Dan walked to him, and put his arms around him as Phil took deep breaths. They didn't talk, just sat while Phil composed himself. After several minutes, he stood and without a word walked out. 

Dan was left on the floor on his own, feeling empty and alone. "I'm here," he whispered. "Why don't you see me?" 

That night after dinner, Dan sat in his room unable to sleep. The walls were so constricting and empty and it made him feel like he was chocking. He didn't understand what was happening. He thought Phil had loved him, he had always thought they would end up together. He supposed he had thought wrong. 

He rolled over in bed and sighed. He remembered when they used to share a bed. It was easy to fall asleep then. Phil's rhythmic breaths always lulled him into dreams of striking blue eyes and pink lips. But something had happened, and suddenly it all stopped and Dan was left on his own in a cold room and an empty bed. 

Unable to bear the suffocating silence, he stood and made his way to Phil's room. As soon as he walked in, peace filled him. The room was warm, and smelled of Phil. Dan stood by the bed and listened to Phil's soft snores. His body seemed to move before his brain, and before he could stop himself he had crawled into bed beside Phil. 

Phil was curled around himself, like he had once to Dan, and his back was to him. He watched the slope of his shoulder rise and fall with each breath. It was hypnotic; the way Phil moved always fascinated Dan. There was a rustle of sheets, and Dan tensed, fearing Phil was waking, but he merely rolled over. 

He was now facing Dan, his breath blowing into his face. Phil's breath always smelt weirdly of honey, despite the fact they never really ate it. It was the cereal Dan supposed, smiling slightly. 

Dan traced his eyes over Phil's pale face, his gaze falling on the tear tracks on his cheeks. His heart squeezed as he realised Phil had cried himself to sleep.

"Oh Phil" Dan whispered, tears welling in his own eyes as he placed a hand on his tear soaked cheek. "I'm sorry." 

Phil's lashes fluttered as he opened his eyes. A smile played on his lips, "Dan," he whispered. 

"I'm here," Dan replied, kissing his forehead. 

"Don't leave."

"Never." 

Phil closed his eyes, and drifted off again. Dan never did sleep that night, but watching Phil was enough. 

 

The next morning, Dan sat at the counter as Phil glumly poured his cereal. He barely even noticed when he over flowed the bowl. He just looked down at it, watching for a moment as the milk pooled on the bench and dripped to the floor. 

After breakfast, Phil disappeared to his room for half an hour, and came out dressed in a suit. Dan watched in confusion as he walked through the apartment and left without a word. 

Dan jumped from his stool, and followed Phil out of the the apartment, behind a few metres so Phil wouldn't notice him. 

He walked for an age. Past Starbucks, past the corner shop, past the comic book store. Basically past anywhere Phil would normally go. Dan was confused, until Phil turned into a slightly run down florist and purchased some roses.

His stomach dropped.

Oh god. Had he followed Phil on a date? That would explain the suit. He was such an idiot. Him and his stupid hero complex. Now he was going to have to walk home with romantic images of Phil and Jackson- 

Phil had stopped. He was stood at a crossroad, starting at the direction signs, hesitating. Dan followed his gaze, and he read the sign. 

If his stomach stopped before, it plummeted now. He was wrong, this wasn't a date. He wanted to call out to Phil, tell him to stop but the words couldn't make it out his throat. Phil kept walking and Dan found himself following again.

Phil pushed through an iron gate, and began shuffling through rows of people. He walked like he knew where he was going, but he didn't want to get there. Dan didn't want him to get there either.

When Phil stopped, Dan walked up behind him, not bothering to hide. 

"Hi Dan," he said, voice breaking.

He placed the roses at his feet, and slid to his knees, sobs wracking his body. Dan pushed himself against his back, holding him as he shook. 

"I'm so sorry Dan," Phil cried. 

"It's okay," he said repeatedly, "It's okay." 

"I wish I could be with you, with all my heart I want to be with you."

"I know Phil, it's okay." 

"I have to move on. I can't do this anymore," Phil pressed his face into his hands, and his sobs turned silent as his shoulder shook.

"I understand." Dan rubbed his back. 

"I have to leave. I can't be in that apartment anymore. Not when everywhere I look reminds me that I can't be with you... Jackson asked me to move in and I'm going to. I'm sorry, I just can't..." Phil couldn't finish, his voice got too thick. 

"I understand," Dan repeated his own voice breaking as he began to cry. 

"I love you. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I love you, but I have to let go." 

Dan just nodded against his back, and Phil pulled off the ring on his finger. He placed it on the tombstone in front of him, that read 'here lies Dan Howell, loving husband, and friend of over 4 million people'. 

Dan wasn't sure how long Phil sat there crying, but he knew that he would stay until he stopped. Phil mumbled out apologies again and again, and Dan told him it was okay, and that he loved him over and over. Even though Phil couldn't hear him, it was all he could do. 

There was no changing it. Phil was lost to him, and he to Phil. That's how it would be from now.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for my initial lack of tagging major character death. I wanted a surprise ending but have since realised that was not a good idea. Anyway leave a comment. Constructive criticism appreciated:)


End file.
